Happened again

I could not sleep last night s at 3:30 I got up and slept an hour in the recliner in the studio. I had another one of those day-time nightmares involving difficulty with Sue. I the dream I got to the library which to my surprise is crowded at 4 AM. I have trouble fining a place to sit. When I returned to my spot my books on gone. Sue is in the library too, meeting with two men. She is much younger and her hair is in a French roll I think you call it, a hair style I haven't seen on her in decades. Finally, she sees me and says let's go home. But she is walking ahead of me with four people who show her a lot of love, hugging her and such like gestures of affection. I lose them as I get all tangled up in some bushes off the side walk. By the time I get clear Sue has disappeared. I walk around several blocks hoping to locate her or her to find me. Eventually I find her near the library, although she is concerned with some guy named Red she had been with. I ask whose read . She says someone named Jim Pryor (I notice his initials are the same as mine.) Right about then I woke up saying to myself, god damn it another one of those punishing dreams that occur in naps. After I cleared my head a bit I thought of those remarks she made in her journal in 1973 when we went through that double inferno about how she had told me she had never been turned on to me physically, a terrible blow coming from her lips, even though I knew it by her attitude.. She wrote: "Poor Jer, he has suffered so much at my hands." And the suffering goes on, especially in my dream life.

While writing about the play in which she played Ruth the slut, I remembered she got the part because the director of the play--I can't remember his name--chose her for the part because she was a "ball-cutting type of woman," like that came out of somebody she had class with that first year in Eugene when she, so to speak, ran free with her ass up in the air. I asked myself how did he know that? By being in class together or was there more too it. The dude was a blooming star in the Drama Dept. who went on to great things at the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis, a situation somewhat similar to her bedding Wolfgang because he was the guy all the dancers in the workshop in New Haven set their sights on. Then it hit me: she went to bed with director dude for the same reason, and in that way he discovered she was the one to play Ruth woman , a "ready-made" Black Mother Succubus. I'm sure I am right. My intuition rarely fails me. She probably wanted the part, too. She was collecting stars all over the place in Eugene. Harry Gross would fit that description as well.