A 10 florette Mind

A few days ago in the evening with Sue sitting next to me, the two of us watching "Weeds," I had the most intense angina experience I have ever had. I told Sue what was happening; she said it could be something other than my heart, like a digestive problem, so try to ride it out. 20 minutes later the pressure had let up. As it happened I had a appointment scheduled for early Monday morning with my primary doctor, Irene Duarte.
She did a EKG but did not have a recent chart so it was hard to read, so she sent me to see my Cardiologist, Paul B. who always treats me with a lot of love because I remind him of his father. Their EKG was positive: the rhythm of the heart was fine. He also said angina could have as many as 30 causes, so we could not say for certain it was my heart, but I think it is likely it was. To be caution P.B. put me on a drug to prevent a stroke and for heart attack protection he gave me nitroglycerin and told me how to use it. And he scheduled me for a nuclear test where tech people administer a radio active injection which speeds your heart up. I had the test yesterday (Sept. 21) and the shot was powerful and they also took pictures twice. I fell asleep almost as soon as I got home--the fact I did not sleep well the night before was a factor--and I went to bed early too.

The experience has sobered me up and feeling rather helpless: what will be will be. The results of the test will be available in a few days. I have been floating in recent weeks, writing poetry with some good results but also a lot of masturbatory consequences, nothing of any worth. Part of the problem is my diminished memory for spelling and vocabulary. The right words seems to elude me often. I think back to my emergence as a thinking person which happened around 25. My mind grew from a small florette to a large broccoli composed of 10 florette. I was quick on the up-take and sharp as a tack. I read widely in various fields which helped me meet all kinds of people. I was the renascence man, someone respected and at the top of his game. These traits, more or less,  held up though my years at UNLV; but marital problems and psychological and emotional pressure brought on the experience I named THE INFERNO which left me a handful of dust; it was a catastrophic attack in relation to pass virtues and capacities leaving me reborn on a spiritual level but still confused and rather lost with a persona in shreds. It was a decisive experience as I quit a promising career in academe and spent 5 years away from the work-a-day world and when I returned to it I was janitor not a professor.

Islam and the West at War

"Across a wide swath of territory, in Iraq, in Syria, in Afghanistan, in Pakistan, in Yemen, the West has been or is at war, or near war, with the Muslim world in a failed attempt to eradicate a metastasizing Islamic movement of murderous hatred toward Western civilization."

So writes Roger Cohen in today's NY Times (2/16/2015)...The chickens have come home to roost. We are not only in a pattern of Orwell's permanent war in prime areas around the globe, but we are heading for that "clash of civilizations" that some scholar predicted some time ago. First it was the killing of free lance American journalists, then the video of the Jordian pilot being burned alive, and now yesterday 21 Coptic Christian from Egypt were beheaded on a beach. That got both Egyptian and Jordanian fighters into the air,
which wides the war which is exactly what ISIS wants--as a recruiting tool and moving them closer to the ultimate confrontation they want, and the final victory of Islam, which if it was to happen, not only would much blood flow, the inventory of Western Civilization would be destroyed as the trash of infidels. This is what is yearn for by ISIS and associated brethren, but they are a long way from success. The West has sophisticated weaponry and nuclear bombs, which, if push come to shove, would be used, even if it would obliterated the Middle East. Isis has only 20,000 to 30,000 troops ans some heavy armor, most of it American made, and no or little air power. It all started with Bush's war of choice, our "rescue" of Iraq and elimination of its dangerous dictator. What a mistake that was! One would hope that the Arab states would join together and eliminate ISIS while they can--but know, the want us to do the dirty work. Not while Obama's in the White House.

There is a shaky cease fire going on in Ukraine where Putin's army is leading the separatists successfully in the Eastern portion of the Country. It appears he will get a chuck of Ukraine, as well as Crimea as part of Russia. If that happens the Baltic states will be next. They are worried all ready. Putin's army numbers 1.5 million men. Hell have to worry too bout the Muslims, but not for a while.

Quest for meaning

Quest for Meaning is the name Jan Olandese, an oxford scholar Jim knows in Las Vegas, who he persuaded to write the opening essay for Quest, and wow, did she do a great job, the best thing ever written about me and my work. Knocked me over when I read it. She had my other books and some images Jim had and she managed to get me clearly in her sights. Three old friends have volunteered to write personal pieces, something about my development over time. Mary Harvey was the first to ask to write something for me. She sent me an email last night to tell me she was cleaning the attic and found a parcel of letters I wrote to her 40 years ago. She wanted to send them to me, but I said no thanks I have enough clutter in my studio the way it is. I suggested she read a few letters; they may give her an angle to work on that she hadn't thought of to date. Stan Derelian  also wanted to write a piece but, alas I haven't heard form him since and it has been about a month. Both he and Mary are procrastinators, so I keep reminding them to start writing. Finally there is Dick Wist, who I hadn't talk to or seen for 35 years. Liz, his ex-wife, said I should call him as he is interested to help me out. Dick had a stroke about two months ago but he sounded pretty good over the phone, although at 88 he talks in a stuttery, hesitate manner. His sense of humor is still intact and he said he'd put something together about our time at UNLV.

Now that the holidays are over Jim and I can refocus on the book. There has been a lot of back and forth between us and the first thing I have to do today is call Sarnoff's and Reproductions Unlimited, to see what the cost will be to have 50 or 60 pen and inks scanned. I have them all picked out, all but 6 old drawings reclaimed after being digitized. Jim will  have to determine if we can use them or not. I thought about using some of the new work, the so-called "Bone-yard Fancies," but I decided not too, because they indicate a drastic style change.