A 10 florette Mind

A few days ago in the evening with Sue sitting next to me, the two of us watching "Weeds," I had the most intense angina experience I have ever had. I told Sue what was happening; she said it could be something other than my heart, like a digestive problem, so try to ride it out. 20 minutes later the pressure had let up. As it happened I had a appointment scheduled for early Monday morning with my primary doctor, Irene Duarte.
She did a EKG but did not have a recent chart so it was hard to read, so she sent me to see my Cardiologist, Paul B. who always treats me with a lot of love because I remind him of his father. Their EKG was positive: the rhythm of the heart was fine. He also said angina could have as many as 30 causes, so we could not say for certain it was my heart, but I think it is likely it was. To be caution P.B. put me on a drug to prevent a stroke and for heart attack protection he gave me nitroglycerin and told me how to use it. And he scheduled me for a nuclear test where tech people administer a radio active injection which speeds your heart up. I had the test yesterday (Sept. 21) and the shot was powerful and they also took pictures twice. I fell asleep almost as soon as I got home--the fact I did not sleep well the night before was a factor--and I went to bed early too.

The experience has sobered me up and feeling rather helpless: what will be will be. The results of the test will be available in a few days. I have been floating in recent weeks, writing poetry with some good results but also a lot of masturbatory consequences, nothing of any worth. Part of the problem is my diminished memory for spelling and vocabulary. The right words seems to elude me often. I think back to my emergence as a thinking person which happened around 25. My mind grew from a small florette to a large broccoli composed of 10 florette. I was quick on the up-take and sharp as a tack. I read widely in various fields which helped me meet all kinds of people. I was the renascence man, someone respected and at the top of his game. These traits, more or less,  held up though my years at UNLV; but marital problems and psychological and emotional pressure brought on the experience I named THE INFERNO which left me a handful of dust; it was a catastrophic attack in relation to pass virtues and capacities leaving me reborn on a spiritual level but still confused and rather lost with a persona in shreds. It was a decisive experience as I quit a promising career in academe and spent 5 years away from the work-a-day world and when I returned to it I was janitor not a professor.