Here's an entry from 18 July 2006 about waking up from a nap." I was in this awful state when I woke up from what I would call a narcoleptic nap. My arms had fallen asleep in the recliner. I was groggy beyond belief. It was ten minutes before I could move, it was that bad. I managed to make it to the dinner table, but found I wasn't very hungry, mostly because I was still in this blur of consciousness. I have got to anticipate these incidents where I literary "fall" asleep. I have no recollection of falling asleep.

The really weird thing about these sudden sleeps they are, at least eight of ten, reveal very negative feelings about Sue as herself or sometimes as representative of her sex. The usual thing is she is sleeping with someone else, oft times flaunting it, as if to abuse me. Who she is sleeping with runs the gamut from Bill P., Larry M. to William Winters, Harry Gross, Dennis J. and so on.The other strange thing is I can tell when I am a dream because I could reach out and I know if I tried to touch  any part of the dream it would dissolve in my hand.The experience is like the dreams are frozen in time in my unconscious, dating back to that window of ten years when most of her affairs took place. But why these "nightmares" occur mostly when I nap and not during nighttime sleep. There are times wake up feeling our relationship is over with, or I have the lot of them tied off as a knot of bad feelings that still plague me after years and years.They don't represent the whole of our marriage, only the cancerous part. Why is it I can't transcend those early hurts? Is because the me who experienced them was this green catholic kid from the Midwest?